


To hinder or To help.

by lolipopsandmarshmallows



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Family Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-02-12 19:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2122314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lolipopsandmarshmallows/pseuds/lolipopsandmarshmallows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel's life at this moment is a little more than complicated . If being a recovering drug addict wasn't hard enough, the reason behind his new found "clean "life almost makes him wish that he was still using . So when he meets Dean Winchester his niece's elementary school teacher , he hopes that Dean's stability might rub off on him .  But what Castiel is learning is that nobody is perfect , not even Dean Winchester and maybe for once in life Castiel can be more of a help than a hindrance. But how is that suppose to work if he can't even take care of himself ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To new starts-and old habits.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Readers  
> First of all thank you for reading :) and if you like please leave a comment. Secondly this fanfiction has mentions of drug abuse,self-harm ,cancer and light smut in the future so if there is anything in there that is a trigger for you I suggest you leave , and hopefully I'll write something a bit tamer soon that you might read . So enjoy ...

Castiel had been clean for 7 days, 13 hours and 19 minutes .

Basically he had been clean for a week . Anna told him he should be proud of himself . Which perhaps he would of been ,if he hadn't spent the last 7 days of his "new found sobriety " shaking from withdrawals in the drug rehabilitation centre he had been attending for months .

And yes you had heard that right . Castiel had been attending counselling for a couple of months. But like many of his relationships, his commitment to it had been on again, off again because once it got to hard or deep for him , Castiel would usually go and find a quick shag somewhere else. Or in this case a quick hit , which he did enjoy marginally better .

But he had made a decision , this week .

He wanted to settle down . He wanted to give him and being clean a proper go . Be in a serious relationship with his sobriety . He would admit that he was often tempted even during his 7 days to cheat on being clean . To give in to the sexy and intoxicating mistress that was cocaine or ectasty but he did not .

And why . Why did he make this decision , why did Castiel Novak decide to for once in his life commit to something . He wished it was because he suddenly realised the waste he had made of his life . Or because he had seen some horrible incident while he was high or low or in whatever limbo he had been in . But it was quite simple really . No big epiphany or mirage in the sky . No thoughtful stroll through the rain only to find the answer at the end of the road .

It was all because of one person . Another beautiful lady in his life .

His sister. Anna Novak the most extraordinary person he knew.

God he was a sap but he decided it was okay this once because it didn't happen often . Castiel was the most cynical person he knew . He pretty much had nothing but disdain for every other Novak ,who wasn't Anna of Gabriel . And even then he was pretty sure that if Gabriel made another joke about him looking like a hobo , he might just knock him out cold .

So Anna was his favorite Novak . It had always been that way . Him and Anna against the rest of the Novak clan . They were both the black sheep of the pure white family . Even as kids it was always him and Anna playing together , eating together and just being linked together non-stop.

That had changed over the years as Anna was paving her way in life . And Castiel kind of resented her for it if he was completely honest .  
You see as the two grew older , Anna path had veered in the opposite direction of Castiel's. Finding passion in Anna basically became the towns mascot for all things cultural and new . And even though the Novaks hated the fact that Anna was becoming her "own person " they couldn't deny that Anna popularity at all parties "high-end"and "sleek " did have it's perks .

Then there was Castiel. Who if he was totally honest, became a mixture of nothing more than drugs and hormones . Literally. Not having the tools to get back at his parents in any smart or logical way ,he decided to just do so in a more self-destructive way . And look he realised how stupid this was , but in all fairness he was just a teenager . And by the time he realised what was happening , he was addicted . 

So it wasn't fair to him that Anna got to be squeaky clean and admired but still somehow sending a huge middle-finger to the Novaks while he had become a shell of person trying to do so and still failed . And for a while he hated her for it . Or rather was just envious of her .

Until she got pregnant . Castiel laughed at it when he thought about how big of a deal her pregnancy seemed back then . It was so intense at points that she even moved into Chuck's family house .

But it was the best thing that could of happened . At the time of course it was hard . But Castiel at this point did have an epiphany that he was being an absolute dickhead to Anna and they became as thick as thieves again . He didn't give up drugs . He was 18 at this time so really his addiction was only just starting . But he managed to ease up on them whenever he knew he was going to see Anna and Phaedra.

Phaedra . He felt himself smile . Even as he sat in the doctor's office with Anna her name could make him smile . He looked at Anna and gave her a piece of that smile. She smiled back wearily .

" You know Castiel I might just have some of what your on " she sighed running her hand through her thick red hair . Castiel felt his smile fade a tad , disappointed by the fact that his sister had such little faith in him . But then again he knew that he didn't really deserve her faith . He couldn't count how many times he had told Anna he was going to have a " new start only to soon fall back into old habits. So she had right not to believe him . He wouldn't of believe himself either.

" I'm just high on life sis,I'm just high on life " Castiel answered giving her a shaky grin . Anna raised an eyebrow suspiciously . Castiel ignored the fact that his hands had begun to shake and focused on the task in front of him. Trying to make Anna smile . If anybody needed to smile now it was Anna . And if not for herself then for Castiel .  
" Ok I'm not just high on my life . But high on your company my darling " he said in the most nasally voice he could muster up. Anna lip quirked . He almost had her. Now just to clench the deal.  
" I'm high off the thought of my little niece getting to see her uncle clean for the first time since she's been born ".

Castiel didn't know where that came from or if he had even meant to say it but it had worked.

He had got her ! Castiel smiled in triumph as Anna lips formed into a full grin at the mention of Phaedra.

" You know I'm really proud of you Cas , don't you ? " Anna said softly her eyes full of simmering pride . Castiel felt his heart sunk . He was really an awful person ,wasn't he . His sister was waiting for fucking chemo for god sake and they were talking about him and his problems . Sometimes he was a really sucky brother

" And I you Anna , and I you " He said taking hold of her hand , willing his to stop shaking . When it didn't Anna kept staring straight ahead and then put her other hand on top of his until it stilled.  
***************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Castiel is now 25 minutes late collecting Phaedra . He thanks the gods that he has never gotten a girl pregnant while on one of his "binges."He would of been an awful father.

Not only that but at this moment in time Castiel was shaking out in his car outside the school. Waiting for Anna to finish her chemo session by himself was tough enough since it was the first time he had been on his own since he had gone " cold turkey ". But she had asked him to collect Phaedra because she had forgotten that she had a M.R.I appointment booked for 3'o'clock, now meant that he had to spend another hour by himself with a kid possibly more if Chuck wasn't at home .

He should of said no. Not because he didn't want to collect Phaedra . He had been planning to see her this afternoon anyhow after he had went to his one on one counselling. At least then he would of been clear headed and not in a middle of a withdrawal.

But when he saw Anna all fluffy and pink in her p.j's but still somehow managing to look tired and wan she couldn't refuse her. She looked like the air Castiel breathed to say the bad news could knock her over .

So he said yes stupidly.

Sam, the leader of the drug rehabilitation centre he attended and also the main counsellor in their group meetings told them on the first day .

"While your coming off drugs guys,your gonna have to be a bit selfish. Know your limitations guys cause I tell you something , your parents or friends or whoever the situation refers to, will be able to forgive you for being selfish during your withdrawals. I presume if they put up with you for this long they understand the situation . But will I tell you what is a lot harder to forgive and forget ..." at this point he'd left a dramatic pause to let the intensity of his word sink in "..Its a lot harder to forgive you getting their hopes up only to have them crushed when you relapse again "

In most situations he would of agreed with Sam . He actually really liked Sam . He was the kind of person who you could tell had been through a lot but he didn't feel the need to throw it in your face. And Castiel respected that . But in this case he was gonna had to ignore that little nugget of advice .

And if Sam had anything to say about that he could shove it . His baby sister didn't have cancer .

At this thought Castiel felt his body surge from his drivers seat in some sort of ill-planted determination to prove Sam wrong . He shoved his shaking hands into his hoody pockets and he walked towards the doors of Newtown Elementary School .

The building itself was tolerable if not incredibly plain. Three stories tall , pure white with a few windows dotted around the place it was just a public school , like any other . Castiel felt a pang of jealously at the normalish of this school wishing that he could of gone to a school like this.

Him and Anna were lucky enough to attend many boarding schools during the years ,each and every one full of pompous ,over-achieving ,horny rich, teenagers with mummy or daddy issues. And yes it was as good of an idea as it sounds. Unless that sounds good because it was not . It was absolutely soul-crushing.

But hey at least the boys were rich enough to sell their drugs cheap.

It was the inside of the school that sucked . Seriously Castiel was pretty sure he had slept in nicer drug dens than the inside of this school . The place itself looked like the inside of some manic depressive robot. The walls were painted some weird silver/indigo colour that almost matched to a point of scary likeness the lockers. The lockers themselves were smeared with words in black marker that Castiel wouldn't even say . And Castiel is sure he had said everything.

He starts to reconsider his idea of public school being miles better than prep school as he searched the dirty brown doors for the name Mr. Winchester ,Phaedra's third grade teacher . He hopes that's his name anyhow . Anna looked more than tad out of it when she had given him the details and it did sound like the name of a man who flew a unicorn for a living while selling...strawberry ice-cream.

But for some reason he thought it had a nice ring to it. Which was why he's kind of giddy when he actually does find a door with the name Mr Winhester on it ( the "c" had faded from the plague outside the door.)

It was also the reason why he delighted to see the inside of the room lived up to the ownership of somebody called "Winchester". A complete contrast from the rest of the school the room was bright and airy which Castiel put down to the colour scheme of the room which was yellow with hints of red here and there ,like in the curtains or the bean bags spread around the classroom . The walls are filled with drawings from the children and in the corner Castiel can't help but spot a guitar.

He immediately feels homely here and the surge of jealously is back . And he is glad for it because if he was jealous of anyone it gladly be Phaedra.

In the middle of the room he spots the only two people left in the classroom sitting at a table both obviously enjoying each other company . Facing away from him he can see the back of a man who is sitting in a chair way to small for him . The man is obviously listening intently by the way his shoulders are leaning forward and the way he chuckles every now and then at the girl sitting in front of him who Castiel places immediately as Phaedra.

She was such a unique looking child he knew he could notice her in a crowded room of people. In a way she was almost the spit of her mother with long unruly foxy hair , big hazel eyes and creamy white skin. But there was something about her face ...the way her eyes popped out from her skull a bit or how she always looked wrung out in a totally chillaxed way that was undeniable her father.

It was clear she spotted him because soon he had a shaking handful of Phaedra as she wrapped him in tight hug. Usually he'd lift her up at this point in their meetings but he knew that if he did there was a good possibility of him dropping her.

Or of her seeing how much of a mess her uncle really was .

" Uncle Cassie what are you doing here ? " Phaedra asked into his hoody ,as she had her face firmly pressed into it . Castiel felt his throat tighten which confused him. He knew he was going to have to lie to Phaedra until Anna and Chuck found the time to explain Anna's situation to her . So why was it so hard ? He tried to pick out a coherent thought from the many racing in his mind.

"Your mother had to work over-time today and your Daddy didn't realise so he is still at work too. So she asked me to collect you . " Castiel found it surprising how easy it was to lie to her . Or at least how easy he made it sound. Then again he had much practice at it . He pulled her shoulders away from him playfully and asked her in a high pitch voice that made her giggle " Is that okay darling ? ".

She just nodded quickly with a huge innocent grin on her face that made Castiel's heart ache knowing that after she found out about Anna it would never be the same again . How could it be ? This sort of thing changed a child and that was one thing Castiel knew for sure.

" Can we go say bye to Mr . Winchester Uncle Cassie ? " Phaedra lisped out excitedly and before he could answer her she was dragging him over to the seated man who was now standing up and patting his beige chinos.

" Cassie this is Mr. Winchester ,Mr. Winchester this is my Uncle Cassie " Phaedra said excitedly and kind of flustered since the hand movements she had included in her introduction seemed to had gotten mixed up in the heat of the moment . Castiel looked down at her melting in a puddle of goo. Did little Phaedra have a crush on her teacher? That was the cutest thing he had ever...

Swallowed .

No that wasn't the cutest thing he had ever swallowed . Gosh that sounded wrong even for him .

That was all he could do when he saw Mr. Winchester though . Swallow. Because he had just saw Mr. Winchester . And dear lordy he was hot . Like crazy,super-model,"are you photoshop ?"sorta hot. He looked down a Phaedra again and gave her a look of admiration .

She had inherited his good taste in men it had seemed to appear. Castiel cleared his throat as he looked at Mr. Winchester's face which by the way was perfect. Castiel never really had a type but if he did it would be him . Green eyes that literally looked like they were emeralds that were sparkling in the sun , sallow skin that was tanned to perfection(which made Castiel kind of envious again since everytime he tried to get a bit more tanned he'd burned ) but what Castiel like the most was his smile . Not because it was full of perfect teeth , which it was but because there was something about it . Something that was playful and happy in a sincere way . Like he was full of joy but not in the way that made you want to punch him . In the way that made you happy as well.

" Hello Uncle Cassie " Mr. Winchester said awkwardly while raising an eyebrow in slight confusion. And no Castiel did not giggle like a schoolgirl at this. It was more of an high-pitched chuckle . But it must of been pretty high-pitched because he was certain that Phaedra looked up at him with a confusion look on her face as Mr. Winchester offered his hand and Castiel took it.

"Hello its nice to meet you after all the good things I've heard " Castiel said in a very stoic tone but yet he couldn't help but feel a smile creep in to his voice . Did Mr. Winchester just blush ? Castiel shook his head . No- he was not because Castiel would never flirt with his niece's school teacher. Would he? Castiel looked at Mr Winchester shyly this time and added in a lower pitch.

"And as much as I like Cassie ,my name is actually Castiel ."Mr. Winchester nodded at this information, his eyes looking at Castiel in a way that was almost like they both of them knew a secret that no one else understood . Castiel felt his heart beat hard for a second ...Withdrawals it must of been from his withdrawals. He quickly turned away from Mr. Winchester and look down a Phaedra.

" And Phaedra were you talking the ear off Mr. Winchester while you were waiting or was that just my imagination ? " Castiel quizzed and almost audible "awwhhedd" as Phaedra turned up to Mr. Winchester and whispered in her most curious voice.

" I didn't really talk your ear off did I?" Castiel didn't mean to laugh but it just came out as he watched struggled to come up with an answer for Phaedra.

"No honey of course you didn't . Look both my ears are still firmly... "Mr .Winchester tugged at both his ears and Castiel tried not to choked on his laughter "in place ." Phaedra nodded clearly relieved and left out a little sigh.

"Good". Then she looked up at Castiel her eyes hopeful and said " Are we gonna meet up with mammy at home? "This time Castiel choked but not on his laughter. Why the fuck couldn't he get his act together and not feel like crying everytime Phaedra mentioned Anna. He felt his mind go blank and all he could think of was Anna in her chemo p.j's .And drugs. He needed some drugs like now. His throat was dry and his heart was a panic and the silence was almost going to burst his brain because now all he could think about was "what if I lose Anna " and"Oh my god I could actually lose Anna".Was he even a full person without...

"Hey Phaedra why don't you go get your coat and I can tell Cassie about the brillant painting you did today ,okay ? " Mr.Winchester suggested softly and Phaedra was yet again distracted by the idea of being praised about her picture and getting her coat .As she wandered off to the back of the classroom he wondered why he just couldn't of done that . It seemed so easy to keep her happy yet for some reason he couldn't.

"Thanks "he felt himself gasp trying to keep his eyes to the ground afraid Mr.Winchester would see him tear up ."And sorry about being late I..."

"Hey stop it Cas right now. It's alright ,its perfectly fine " Mr.Winchester said as if he understood every inch of not only the situation but of Castiel. Raising his eyes to look in those diamond eyes he felt his throat close up .

"It is ? "he sniffed pitifully .Mr.Winchester nodded his eyes full of such kindness and his smile basically made of empathy that Castiel almost felt his heart sigh in relief.

"Anna rang ahead and told me about the situation and I realise how hard it must be on everybody in your family . So I told her I'd try and be as accommodating as I could possible be "he said as if Castiel was the one doing him a favour. Castiel offered him a small smile and Dean leaned closer into him as if to tell him something utterly precious  
"I'd tell you something man if my brother was going through anything like this I wouldn't be coping half as well as you are . So don't apologize to me about trying to help your baby sis and your niece ever .Okay ?"

Wordlessly Castiel looked into his eyes so full of affection for him ...no for Phaedra obviously ,but still full of it and gave him a weak smile. Then he felt a tug at his hand .

" Can we get McDonald's Uncle Cassie " Phaedra grinned up at him and he smiled back at her looking a pretty picture in her little red raincoat .He gave a over-exaggerated sigh as if he had been won round by one plead from her .

" Okay ...fine but we must keep it a secret from your Mummy or else she'll get angry at Uncle Cassie..okay? " he loudly whispered . Phaedra gave a very serious nod at Castiel as if she realised that they were now co-conspirators in their secret plan . Then with a look of pure stealth and determination she turned to Mr.Winchester .

"You have to promise not to tell my mummy either okay?" she whispered viciously .The shock on Mr.Winchester's face was almost to much for Castiel to handle for a moment but biting his lip he managed to suppress the laugh rising in his throat.

"Okay Phaedra I promise not to tell your mummy but you have to do something for me ." Mr Winchester bargained playfully . Or maybe he was being serious . It seemed like he was .Phaedra nodded like a true business woman ."You have to draw me one of those lovely pictures you drew today in class".

Phaedra gave a smile so wide that for a moment Castiel was sure her face might of split in two.

"Deal " Phaedra squealed delighted in her business abilities of she stuck out her pinky finger and said in a excited voice "So now we have to seal the deal with a pinky promise ."Mr Winchester mulled this over as if this was some sort of important ritual for him and after his deliberation he muttered in a gruff voice

"Fine. Whatever you wish Mr Shurley " and bent down linking his pinky finger around Phaedra's .Castiel felt a rush of affection for both of them in his heart and then stopped...Where did that come from? He had barely known this man for 10 minutes and like him better than half his family . After giving them a good shake Phaedra still tinted red from being called Mrs. Shurley turned to Castiel and said impatiently

"Now it's ye're go".It took Castiel a minute to realise what she meant . When he did he blanched for a moment but quickly recovered . He wasn't going to freak out for a second time in a row in front of Phaedra . She would realise that something was wrong and they couldn't have that. So he raised his pinky finger toward Mr.Winchester and raised an eyebrow .

"Promise?" Castiel asked softly not sure why this felt more that just a silly game he was playing with his niece. Mr.Winchester gave Castiel a soft ,puzzled smile. He probably thought Castiel was crazy.

"I promise "he coughed wrapping his pinky around Castiel's. Castiel pretended he didn't feel something that he could only equate to a hit of cocaine rush through not his veins but rather his stomach . He kept his head down but found himself peaking at Mr.Winchester from under his eyelashes . God he was beautiful .So beautiful and there he was shaking as he touch him like a fucking creep . He saw Mr.Winchester's eyebrows furrow together in confusion at Castiel's shaking and so Castiel quickly unraveled his pinky from his and retreated that hand back into his hoody pocket.

"Okay Phaedra lets leave Mr.Winchester to it . We kept him long enough " Castiel muttered more to himself than anyone else and grabbed Phaedra hand with his free one, knowing that he looked back at it would be extremely hard to look away again. Rushing him and Phaedra forward they almost made it out the door before a voice brought them back again.

"Wait-a second Cas" the voice blurted out and Castiel turned to find Mr.Winchester looking down at his feet shyly .God he was so adorable was all Castiel could think . So like a fish he looked at him mouth a gaped and almost whispered

"Yes?". Mr.Winchester just stared at him for a while giving him a searing look that almost felt like the message itself.

"You know your welcome in this classroom anytime don't you ? " he said with a small understanding nod. All Castiel could do was give him a little smile back because he felt like if he talked again it be nothing more than a squeal . So he turned away again longing for another glimpse at the face he just saw.

So it was a good thing he called him back again.

" Eeeemmm...one more thing Cas " . This time Castiel turned so fast that he had to check down on Phaedra to make sure she didn't have whiplash. She was fine for now.

" Yes ?" He asked a bit more playfully this time the knot in his stomach not feeling so bad since Mr Winchester seemed to have forgotten about his shaky hands.

"You can call me Dean , if you like to , just in case we bump into one and other again or..." he trailed off embarrassed and gave the back of his neck a small scratch .

"Yes ! "Castiel blurted out " I mean I'd like to call you Dean ...because Dean is your name and I ..." He suddenly let out a hysterical laugh at how much of a teenage girl he sounded in this moment . Dean must of thought he was crazy. Maybe he was "...I should go " he picked up from his last sentence . Giving Dean one last smile and taking in the gorgeousness of him he turned and finally left the classroom with Phaedra in tow.

As they strolled through the silver halls towards the exit of the school he willed himself to forget about Dean Winchester.

"Uncle Cassie? "Phaedra asked with that kind of curiosity that only kids could muster up.

"Yes love " Castiel answered letting go of her hand as they exited the school to get his car keys from his back pocket.

"Can I call Mr.Winchester , Dean now ?" Phaedra asked giving him a wide-eyed innocent look.

This look was turned into a puzzled one as she watched Castiel laugh so hard that he started to cry and wheeze like he was a 30 year smoker.

"B-b-best not love " he let out a small sigh suddenly feeling bittersweet as he looked at Phaedra. Meeting Dean had brought on a giddiness he had not felt ...in well a week if he was honest with himself , maybe even longer . But then as he looked down at Phaedra he felt a sudden sickness in his stomach at what lied ahead for them. And he wanted to say something . Something she could look back on and know that he was trying to tell her that he cared for her . But nothing sprung to mind . So he gave her a pat on the head and muttered softly

"Best not to love ."


	2. Smug Sam and Dasterly Dean

Sam was quickly and swiftly becoming the plight and Castiel's life.

It had all started off fine. Castiel would come to group , listen to other people's problems , give as little information as possible about himself and go. It was like a booty call . A booty call you would return to the next day but still. Castiel wasn't looking to lay down roots. Or make friends . God Castiel, wasn't even looking for advice or support. Castiel was just looking for some proof. Everyday he went to group was a day Castiel could tick off his calendar as a clean day. A day where he could look at his family ( more specifically Anna ) and say " Hey at least I'm trying".

But for the reincarnation of the BFG (Big Fucking Giant) trying was simply not good enough. For Sam group was ;  
" A way of life .....it's a representation of your decision to stay clean. Stay better." And so Sam was now insisting Castiel get a sponsor. 

"Castiel as hard as you try you cannot beat an addiction without the help of your fellow addicts ." Sam said last Thursday . He had ambushed Castiel at the refreshment table and as much as Castiel would of liked to say "No thanks " and worm past him , the big guy had got him cornered. He would of made a good basketball player Castiel gave him that. Or a good bully.....

"You know what Sam as true as that rings , I'm more of an introvert ya'know. I like to keep to myself". Castiel said flashing a shy smile in Sam's direction hoping for some sympathy but of course he was having none of it.  
" Castiel every member of the group is either a sponsor or sponsored. There is not really a choice in the matter. " Sam stated frankly. Castiel eyed him for a minute feeling suddenly claustrophobic. " You need other people to help with your recovery Castiel and that's not an just 'my opinion '. It's the truth." 

Castiel understood this ,he really did . There was just one little problem with this.

Castiel hated other people.

Ok maybe he didn't hate all 'other people'. Martin Luther King , Harvey Milk , Mother Theresa. They all seemed like good people and Castiel didn't hate good people. He hated loud people. Rude people, snobby people, people who felt like they were owed something by the world. Castiel hated real people with real emotions. People who cried and laughed and all the in-betweens annoyed him . There was a short list of people Castiel liked . Anna , Phaedra maybe Gabriel . Castiel himself was definitely not on that list.

So to Castiel having to pick a sponsor, someone to depend on in his group didn't sound good to him . Because Castiel knew what he would do . He would either put his sponsor on a pedestal and get depressed when they didn't meet his goals or tear them down before they even got a chance to try ,making them into a villain in his eyes.

He supposed this is why his Mother said that it was difficult for him to make friends.

Sam seemed to have gotten the drift of what Castiel thinking, because his face had begun to soften .  
" I know your a more ......closed in character Castiel ,so I thought maybe we could make a deal ? " Sam beamed at him like his idea could cure cancer and fuck , Castiel couldn't find the will to decline . So he just sighed instead.

"I hope it's not of a sexual nature Samuel because I would have to decline. I'm not into taller men."

Castiel didn't mean to be a cunt . But Sam didn't seem to mind. He knew he had defeated Castiel for now and grinned to himself ,glowing in his victory. 

" I wouldn't be so quick to turn me down Castiel. We'd be the Bragelina of the rehabilitation group . We' be ..." He pondered for a moment to himself ,a smug look painted on his face. When the word finally came to his mind he looked up at Castiel with the face Phaedra used when she learned how to use the potty.  
"We'd be fucking Sastiel."

From this moment on Castiel realised he would not be getting rid of Sam anytime soon.

As this is what soon became known as the story of how Sam became Castiel's sponsor.

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"What the actual fuck is going on ".  
Castiel hadn't meant to curse infront of a children's school but the need felt great . He was an impulsive person and by the looks of it Dean may of been one too.

This was the only reason Castiel could think why, what was happening, was happening.

Castiel had come to collect Phaedra an occurance that had been happening for a couple of week now. Chuck couldn't collect Phaedra on Wednesday's as he was already taking enough time off trying to look after Anna. And Anna could barely walk at the moment due to the chemo so he collected Phaedra on Wednesday's. A commitment he had shockingly hadn't broken yet. But the children weren't out of school when he had arrived . And he was actually on time . For once. And Dean's classroom was empty,

The day was warm and so Dean had brought the kids to play outside in the field at the back of the school , is what the secretary had said to Castiel , when he asked. Which seemed normal enough to Castiel. Actually that was a lie. Castiel thought it was as adorable as shit but Castiel wasn't talking about his weirdness now. He wandered lazily out the back only to see a scene he wasn't sure he ever thought he see.

Dean is strutting around the field in a circle. Wearing a pair of sparkly cat ears that Castiel is sure Phaedra may of owned a pair at one point, with a long purple cape flowing down his back . Oh and carrying a long wooden cane . 

The children followed him intently ,wide eyed . Some of them are wearing bibs. Some are wearing fedora's . All of the look crazy. When he spots Phaedra she's lying on the ground , playing dead in a big woven hat . A smile the size of china spread across her face , giggling every now and then. 

"What time is it Mr. Wolf " the children say in chorus . Dean stops for the second and the children all nearly pile on top of each other like a traffic jam. Even thought the children can't see his face he make a thoughtful expression. There is a hushed chorus of giggles from the "dead children " on the ground. And the other parents watching the game, that Castiel had just noticed now . The ones who probably have other things to be doing now but are too wrapped up in watching Dean's performance to care.

" Five o clock , children it's five o clock ". Dean finally decides. The children's shoulders visibly relax . They ask the question again . Each time their breathes catch waiting for Dean to answer. Castiel would be lying if he said his didn't do the same. And it wasn't until another two or three times that finally Dean shouts

" Supper time !"   
The children and some of the adults scream in shock and the tension breaks ,turning into giddiness instead. The children scatter hoping over the "dead " laughing loudly. Dean chases them , stick in the air , screaming in full on "Brave Heart " style. It obvious he is going at a slower pace so that the children can get away but he is still perhaps a little too fierce in the most endearing way possible.

Castiel finally tears his eyes from Dean when eventually he had picked his next victim cornering a chubbish giggling boy , who although is enjoying the experience looks as though he could use a rest. He searches for Phaedre in the crowd and spots her. She is now sitting up half her face covered by the woven hat. After a while she feels somebody looking at her she turns her head eyes scrunched in confusion.

Her eyes light up when she sees Castiel and before he knows it , she jumps up in excitement.  
" Cassie " she shouts running over to him arms wide opens. All the parents look his way but he is too focus on his niece running over on little legs that do not carry he quick enough As Castiel prepares himself for the bear hug , he suddenly hears an outburst of laughter from all around.

Dean is lying flat on his back , on the ground caught up in his cape . His face is red with an embarrassed smile plastered across it. The chubby boy has made his escape running around Dean , a smug look in his eyes. The adults begin to applause joyfully and playfully Dean hops up , bowing from left to right before . The kids begin lining up behind him again but he heartily laughs and says

" On that note kids , I think it's nap time for Mr. Wolf ". Castiel feels his shoulders sag in disappointment .The kids "awwwwhhhh" in unison but the general mood around the field is one of delight. Castiel feels himself is grinning from ear to ear an occurance that doesn't happen often.

" Did you have fun Phaedra? "Castiel asks lifting the little girl on to his hip. Phaedra nods and opens her mouth to answer but the too big hat falls covering her face before she does and again she's in giggles. Castiel giggles with her ,lifting her hat up away from her red face.

" Does Mr. Winchester own this hat ? " Castiel asks Phaedra . Phaedra thinks for a moment too long.  
" Emmm I dunno if he wears it? Its a lil' girlie " Phaedra whispers as if she saying something awful. Castiel frowns at his odd little niece wondering how is it possible for her to be such an exact copy of her mother.

" That's not what I was asking silly. I was asking if Mr. Winchester gave you the hat ?" Phaedre eyes widened as if this was the most confusing question in history .  
" Oh! Oh , I didn't know if that was what you meant. "  
Castiel rolls his eyes realising. he may be on a field of an elementary school for the next year if he didn't hurry on. Most of the parents had already left , late for whatever they once planned.

Spotting Dean at the end of the field he composes himself trying to make sure his face doesn't say something like " Your the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my entire life." 

" Hey Dean . " Castiel calls, quickly walking over to the teacher who was presently collecting fedora's and coats from a pile from on the ground. Dean turns around a tad too quick nearly dropping the pile onto the ground.

" Hey Castiel , hey Phaedra" he says smiling embarrassed. Castiel's pretty sure the only thing keeping him from jumping Dean is the fact that he has a little child in his arms. Which was low even for Castiel .

" We have a present for Mr. Winchester , don't we Phaedra ?" Castiel says teasingly , looking own at his blushing niece. Dean laughs as Phaedra reluctantly takes off the hat and places it on top of Dean's pile . She givee Castiel a dirty look.

" I liked that hat " she says sulkily. Castiel looks up too give Dean one of those of them " Oh aren't kids just adorable " looks that Castiel's had seen one to many times, from his mother . But Dean was already looking at him a little mysterious smile on his face.

He takes the hat from the pile and hands it back to Phaedra after a moment.   
" It's ok , Phaedra you can keep the hat." He gives them a smile " It doesn't fit me anyhow , anymore " . Castiel looks at Dean trying not to melt into a puddle of mush.

" You don't have to do that....." Castiel says trying to be polite and adult. But Dean interrupts him.  
" Shush up now Cas. Its a hat not a diamond necklace."  
" Yeah shush up Cas " Phaedre chimes in placing the hat on her head again giving him another " look".   
" Mrs. Winchester probably had a lot of hats anyway , doesn't she Mr Winchster? " Phaedre asks innocently , thought Castiel can't help but feel himself go red, He shouldn't care about the answer yet he did. Because apparently that's what starting your period did to you.

Dean lets out a small cough.  
" Yes I guess she does. " 

Castiel doesn't think he has ever felt so disappointed in his life , Because for fuck sakes how many times can one guy fall for a straight married dude. Not that he has fallen for Dean. Because he hasn't even has a proper conversation with the man and that would..........

" My Mother does really like her hats".  
Castiel doesn't even catch what Dean says for a minute. And when he does he's smiling again from ear to ear , his heart beating hard . He see's Dean smiling cheekily at him. 

He could hit him. Or kiss him. 

Phaedra looks at Castiel confused , covering her eyes as the evening sun shines in their direction.  
" What's so funny Uncle Cassie ?" she queries.  
Castiel looks backs at her as Dean begins to walk away , coyly looking back at Castiel to give him a wink.

A motherfucking wink.

Then he comes out of his fazed state and glances at Phaedra.  
" It's nothing" he says hoarsely . They begin to walk back into the school where Dean has disappeared into .  
" Why are you still smiling then? " Phaedra says after a few moments of pondering.  
Castiel didn't realise he was still smiling . But he was . Stupidly .  
" I don't know" is all he can manage to answer.

But he knows that's not true.


End file.
